Repetitive secret retaliation is how resentment and contempt take root and evolve, in the tragic ecosystem (egosystem) of shame.
“The truth will set you free,” (John 8:32) and I always feel compelled to add, “But first it will make you miserable.”
Loved ones who hurt you deserve blame for hurting you, but they do NOT deserve blame for causing you to hurt them back. Hypocrisy is another imperfection, not an excuse.
The power of kind/loving acts is illusory if it rests atop ignorance and/or denial of the unconscious.