Authenticity, Uniqueness, and Control

We did a reading (maybe July 18, 2020) about the futility of attempting control, and each shared something they’ve tried to control. I had no answer in that moment. I’m lately feeling instead like I’m more alive when I embrace unfolding, whether as a party plan at my house, or a disposition anticipating a first meeting with my beloved’s mom.

I suspect I may be a kind of person who bemuses controllers. Many in my life have wanted a plan for this and that. I’m not a planner. My boss wants to plan for how to win a sale. I’m not a planner. I am Neil. When I, or a team I am on, accomplishes something because of me, it wasn’t because of the plan. It was because of me. And them. My plan is, be Neil.

My presentation plans too are very loose. When I cannot develop a feel for an audience because it is too large, then I just retreat into being me. When that happens, even people opposite my personality can learn. When a writer writes, they should write what they know. When a teacher teaches, they should teach WHO they know.

I think unique power lies in authenticity and a disinclination to water things down for such a broad appeal that they lose their specific, individual impact. We have evolved to love stories. Informational seminars are boring to our evolved brains. When they succeed at being memorable, it’s because they were personalized by the speaker, or because they appealed narratively to a universal archetype.

I learned a great deal about me by this exercise about attempts at control. I learned that the world needs Neil. And the world needs Lynn. And the world needs Kacey. Etc.

The world doesn’t need universal guidance.

It needs universal freedom to let each child be who they are. That is what calls out loudly and deeply to our nature, and what we feel when we feel loved without conditions. Freedom to unfold who we are.

After all, I do not love what each of you should be. I love WHO each of you IS. Because who you are, is who you should be.


Neil D. 2020-07 & 2020-12


Here is a story about how one person’s living out his nature bestows a sense of freedom on those who see him doing it.


Another creative writer also explains:

I’m not a big planner either. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot. Type A personality people, particularly teachers, hate me. Well, actually they love me bc I’m not a threat to them. I have no desire whatsoever to compete with them. I want them to do what’s best for their students, and I just want to do what’s best for my students. But they don’t like it when I veer from the lesson plan. You’re right; I don’t teach my content; I teach my students. Teaching isn’t just my job, it’s who I am. [Some people from my past] never understood that.
My lesson plans are very precise; very detailed. But I never follow them exactly because a million things happen between the time I develop them and the time I execute them.
I like how you roll, Durso.
(KC 2020-07-18)

Published by Neil Durso

Just another mid-lifer sharing the journey...

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