Feel with Neil

You can only give what you have

You can only give what you have.

If that’s untrue, tell me how.

If that’s true, tell me why you promise more than you can give. Tell me why you promise more than you have.

Tell me.

Does it involve your ego?

You can only give what you have.

If that’s true, tell me why you expect more of yourself than you can give yourself. Tell me why you expect more of yourself than you have.

Tell me.

Does it involve your ego?

I would encourage you, however, not to be too hell-bent on reigning in your ego. And here’s why…

How are you to be content with promising to give only what you have?

Must you not come to believe that what you have is not only enough, but more than enough?

What you can give to yourself and others is quite enormous.

The ego is neutral, neither good nor bad. The ego is not the person. Your ego is not you. It is a marvelous source of “information” to you, but it is not the only source, because you are not only your ego. You’re much more enormous.

If you attempt to give what you do not have in order to feed your ego, here are two very hard truths to swallow: (1) You are acting from your ego, not your heart. (2) Nobody wants or needs your ego. Except you.

Everyone else already has their own ego. What they want to experience from you is all the other parts of you except your ego. They want to see your soul, and they want their soul to be seen by your soul. If you want to give only what you have, and want to believe that what you have is enormous, it seems essential to know both your ego and your soul.

I am convinced we all sense our fakeness, that we have acted so much from our ego for so long, that we are not authentic. If you aren’t convinced of that, then I ask you to tell me again. Is it not impossible to actually give more than you have?

We know with some form of certainty that our ego is not enough for our own self.

No one likes to see how much their ego has actually controlled them. No one is thrilled to see their reflection in the mirror of hypocrisy. When we look in that mirror with honest eyes – when we see our ego for what it is – it can make us angry and make us hate our own ego.

Yet, if you are to come to believe that what you have to give is plenty – to know how enormous your power is – you cannot jettison your ego. It has its role to play. Do not neglect it, Do not hate it.

Lift it up into your tender arms and carry it with you.

The full you will not be comfortable leaving that part behind.

See what it is that you can honestly give of yourself. It’s no small thing. Because you aren’t.

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Neil D. 2023-03-11

A quintessential journal prompt from Brennan Manning

It’s nearly my birthday – a time of being asked what I want…

Brennan Manning’s book, The Furious Love of God, has 2 reflection questions at the end of each chapter. Here’s an excerpt and one that I think might be a quintessential journal prompt for fascinating responses to the very same question over time:

In the presence of the king, don’t ask for small gifts… One day Jesus was walking down the road in Galilee and the blind man, Bartimaeus, called out, ‘Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!’ The apostles tried to hush him up. But he cried louder, ‘Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!’ Jesus stops, turns, and asks, ‘What do you want?’ Without hesitation, the blind man says, ‘I want my sight!’ And Jesus says, ‘Your faith has saved you.’…

…If Jesus were to ask you, right now—what do you want?—what would you say? Seriously, what would your answer be?

My answer today, right after reading the book, anyway:

To hang out with you for all of eternity. To party and dance with you, to sit with you and cry for me, for you, for all of our brothers and sisters whenever they want to be seen and heard, for Our Father… To be in union with your love, dripping and swimming and drowning in it, with all our sisters and brothers, over and over and over, in laughs and sobs, tears and smiles, never-ending. Perhaps what I want is what I have.

Neil D. 2023-02-25

Nietzsche’s dead “God”

In the current of the Enlightenment, I think Nietzsche’s announcement that “God is dead” was close, but I don’t think “God” was yet dead. Just wounded. The work of killing has continued. And in my view, the “Enlightened” – materialists, rationalists, nihilists, skeptics, atheists – don’t deserve much credit at all for the ongoing killing. Instead, it is the “God” promoters who are managing to suck every last breath and drop of blood from the wounded “God.”

The Enlightenment had wounded the unreal, idealized, and idolized “God.” These are the “God”s defined by institutionalized religions organizing fearfully under the God banner, lusting for power to fortify their insecure egos as they sought more power over masses.

As power-lust will do, it propels these institutions to cling more tightly to their belief in definition. These institutional behaviors are reflections of individual behaviors: Each one of us, upon realizing we have not defined the world properly as it is, first clings even more tightly and grasps for control more desperately, before reality wrests our delusions from us. When we persist in our narrowness and do not surrender, we go insane. So have religious institutions, because so is their “God.”

To pretend we can define the undefinable is, well, nothing short of ill-logic, is it? Insane.

The Enlightenment suggested that many of the irrational claims and beliefs of religions were insane. Religion argues back that rationality is transcended by faith. Perhaps. But some religions also recognize that faith and reason, when both are authentic, do not conflict. These beliefs systems leave happily the dynamic equilibrium between faith and reason each informing the other. It does not have to be one or the other. But that takes a dose of humility that power institutions cannot abide. (Nor can most individual egos.)

Authentic faith demands assent from the intellect without conflict. It does not demand proof from the intellect, but it does demand assent from the intellect. When that required assent is diminished, suppressed, oppressed, ignored, or killed, faith is not authentic any longer. What “God” would demand faith be insane?

Yet, that is what many institutions still demand. These institutions are dying the same slow death as their idolized “God.” So Nietzsche’s announcement wasn’t wrong; his grammatical tense or voice was just a little too advanced. God was not dead then; God had just been wounded, and began to die.

That “God” continues to be put to death by “His” adherents. This is not to say that ALL of the beliefs and practices of these institutions is insane. but some surely are. And the longer and more vehemently these institutions cling to their insanities, the more quickly they will die, thank God (the God without quotes).

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Neil D. 2023-02-18
[origins ~2022-05-02]

For a plainly written, related reflection with no pretense to intellectualism, see Lonerwolf.com’s “Spirituality vs Religion: 11 Differences (With Pros + Cons List)“

“Hallelujah” in a cold parking lot

Need your soul stirred?

Sometimes, the only useful “words” are music, aren’t they?

“Hallelujah” in a parking lot:

I recommend the full 2:37 min (https://youtu.be/jItpkniJLVs), but if you can’t spare that right now, https://youtu.be/jItpkniJLVs?t=1m24s will start you later for the 74-sec climax.

These are brass horns warming up in a city parking lot at the chilly start of September, before the 2015 world championships.

2023-02-17 Neil D

“Be Strong” – Chrome-Plated Plastic. Hypocrisy

[2-minute read]

We see chrome all the time. That shiny metal that gives a product some glitz. Perhaps you even know it’s just a coating. Chrome plated metal looks sexy on cars, motorcycles, big trucks and other vehicles. But even plastic can be coated with chrome, for other parts of vehicles, or your coffee maker or hairdryer. It has nothing to do with strength. It’s all about external appearances. Chrome plated plastic breaks pretty easily. It’s all mirrors.

A “trial by fire” might indeed make you strong. Or you may look at others who have suffered greatly, and think they are strong. But sometimes, that’s just a surface coating on a fragile person underneath.

Some people might look strong and shiny from the outside, externally. We think their determined responses are signs of strength. But they may be only signs, not manifestations. Signs can be misleading. They could be *acting* like a strong person – wearing the mask of strength, following a rehearsed script based on seeing other “strong”-appearing people.

The word “hypocrite” comes from the Greek word for actor.

If you’ve undergone trials by fire via suffering imposed from external sources, and you’ve coated your outside to look strong and attractive, you’ve done so out of fear of further victimization. If you “look strong,” you believe you signal to others that they shouldn’t mess with you. That’s acting.

What if your trial by fire has been internal?

You’ve become more perpetually aware of your own hypocrisy. You’ve examined the secrets that you keep from the rest of the world, and the delusions you have been telling yourself. It leads to a place of self honesty. And then honesty with the whole world. It also leads to compassion and the recognition that everyone else is keeping secrets also, out of fear.

Facing one’s own imperfections, hypocrisy, and vulnerabilities is a paradox of strength. Authentic strength, forged by fire from the inside, not the outside.

That’s the kind of person who breathes fire from the inside. And that is not a dragon who imposes fear, but one who embraces the world in flames of compassion and original expressions of love.

That’s the kind of person who cannot be messed with.

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Neil D. 2023-01-20

Coffee emotions manifested