Dark Night of the Soul (6.2) – Loving in the moment

Whom shall I love? “Whichever one needs it most in the moment.” For she or he is the Christface set before me.

[3.5 minute read]

[a re-contextualization of Dark Night of the Soul (6) – Dad & His Family. Ours]

I believe “The Way” of Yeshua is way, way simpler than institutionalized Christianity complicates it. This prior article (6.1) explains why, and introduces the words below.
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I don’t mean to exalt my own father to a status of sainthood. Or, perhaps, that IS what I mean to do. Is it really that hard to believe that God wishes all of us to be exalted to that status?

Is it hard to believe that God wishes us to see the saint in every one of God’s children?

That God wishes for us to see the saint in our own selves?

Were these not the clear, simple, and unambiguous words of God’s Son to us? The kingdom is within us. We are His Father’s sons and daughters? Is that supposed to be some kind of veiled language or psycho-trick? Secret meanings that only the elite can decode? The elite, like lepers and tax collectors?

In any case, I’m just telling the story from one perspective, about one man, and how I see it that he embodied the one simple rule of Christ meant for all of us, stripped of any complicated systems.

My dad once mused about which of his 6 kids he loved most:

“Whichever one needs it most in the moment.”

I wonder how he got so smart. Do you think he thought it through? I do, but not in his brain. Through his heart.

Not by thinking; by living, acting.

Responding to whichever grace was put in his face.

According to his common, and his unique, nature as created by God.

He was a large man in the second half of his life. He loved his food like he loved his children—whatever was in front of him at the moment:-) That seemed to suit him naturally. He lived hard, deep, wide.

Do we want to indict him for indulging his voracious appetite for food? Some sort of coping mechanism for his fallen nature? Go ahead, if that is all you have “eyes to see.” But I tell you, it suited him so very naturally.

There was something uncomfortably delightful about being with him as he cherished his snack, meal, or a bowl of cornflakes with bananas in it.

I think it was the comfort of watching a man live according to his nature.

He had a big ego, but it too suited him—not so large that it wasn’t easily carried by the expanse of his soul, perpetually opened to humility by force and by choice. I think his soul received and nourished that buoyancy by living hard, deep, and wide…

…sometimes by shame exposed, and…

…sometimes by the inexorable tow of his loved ones splashing into his face the forgiveness he wrestled to bestow on his own fallenness.

Do you wish to indict him for his inflated ego? Go ahead, if that is all you have “eyes to see.” No one loved by him would have his love any other way.

When he bragged about himself or his loved ones, and we rolled our eyes, it was uncomfortably comfortable. At other times, we watched him beat himself up as his own worst critic. We experienced him living widely, from pole to pole across the spectrum from pride to humility.

To watch him love and hate himself at the same time was to see a man occupying the fullness of his nature, which gave us license to feel the same.

Those who felt his love never doubted its authenticity, because there was nothing to doubt in everything else about him. His ego and his appetite couldn’t be doubted. They were on full display perpetually. As was his humility when he was humbled.

He lived large, wide, deep… No masks. No motives hidden for very long.

He lived in every moment.

He loved in every moment.

Sometimes he struggled to return to the moment. And it was at those times we saw him suffering. Apart from his nature. And immersed in his nature. Both, at the same time.

He loved and lived in suffering, and lived and loved in joy.

I think that even when we didn’t want to be around him, we wanted to be around his saintliness. His mixture of purity and imperfection was a strange comfort. If he judged us, it wasn’t from his real heart.

I, and many, saw him loving the beggar and the possessed. Loving our nature. Struggling to love himself. Struggling to walk The Way. And, yes, almost enjoying the struggle. United with his Beloved who dwelt in his heart.

I think he was the face of Yeshua to many. In a lifetime of moments.

Saint Dad, to me.

Would that we all, in this moment, love what lies before us.

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Neil D. (the III!) 2020-05-13

These reflections are a sequel to Dark Night of the Soul (6.1) – A “System” to live by? No.
and were inspired by Dark Night of the Soul (6) – Dad & His Family. Ours

Dark Night of the Soul (6.1) – A “System” to live by? No.

[3.5 minute read]

[a re-contextualization of Dark Night of the Soul (6) – Dad & His Family. Ours]

Kolodiejchuk wrote about the first of the two metaphorical nights (the “night of senses”):

“…there is a notable longing for God, and an increase of love, humility, patience, and other virtues.”

How do these increases happen? What role are we to play in our own increases?

The greatest authors who write about the dark night of the soul all advise in their own way that we do not resist it or attempt evasion, but embrace it in some mysterious form of surrender. For those of us more comfortable with practicable advice, how can we do this? After all, saints are rare. Surrender seems strange to most of us, as does mystery. They seem inconsistent with our nature, so seem difficult.

Is “The Way” of Yeshua only for the exceptional elite?

Is God’s love only for the select elect?

For a moment, set aside your indoctrination by institutionalized Christianity. Those notions seem outrageously ridiculous, don’t they? Were most of us created to spend eternity in hell? No way. No Way.

***
There’s no shortage of support programs that offer a rule, or set of rules, for navigating through difficult challenges in our lives. Even many aspects of institutionalized religions are aimed at this sort of navigation and “keeping the faith.” Pray a lot. Practice mindfulness. Have accountability partners and support groups.

I do not at all mean to belittle any of these avenues of help. You may favor one of these complicated systems over another. And another person may favor a different one.

Is there not one for all?

I think there is.

I favor the example of Yeshua. Not the institutionalized religions that use Christ’s name. But the example of Christ Christ’s-self.

I do not think Yeshua meant to complicate navigating through life’s challenges.

I think it’s clear Yeshua didn’t favor any complicated laws or belief systems. Yet many of the “programs” that offer to guide us today are complicated systems. Something about each of these systems conflicts with who we are, as if “no pain, no gain,” and only inexorable challenge is the way to contentment.

Is our present nature so corrupt that it needs a complex repair system?

That is not my take on the example of Christ at all.

When we “boil down” the message and example of Yeshua, is it a program or system?

Is it meant only for exceptional saints, or disciples dedicated to practicing a program, or religious rites?

Is this what Yeshua expected of the simple fishermen, laborers, housemaids, and social outcasts whom he called, and to whom he appealed?

We all should eat some humble pie and consider this question with some naked honesty.

I do not think there’s anything reasonable about asking us to act according to our nature by constantly trying to self-evaluate our nature’s corruption.

I don’t think Yeshua made his wish for us so complicated that only a small class of smart people would ever grasp it.

Somehow, His intention for us must have the same appeal to a lowly peasant as to the saints and the pope himself.

So I think it is deeply enlightening for us to consider how a beggar meandering the streets of a Third World country might be capable of following a simple rule or guide for how to live the example of Yeshua in every moment, searching desperately for the day’s food or wages. And, to me, the key lies in “moment.”
***
Next, Dark Night of the Soul (6.2) – Loving in the moment
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Neil D. 2020-07-02

The Still River Hike

photo of river

The Delaware River near Lackawaxen PA, separating Pennsylvania from New York State

Its depth was between my shin and thigh at different places as I waded upriver towing my youngest son against a subtle current. The water was clear enough for me to see that its bed was not jagged rocks, but many rounded—large or small, loose or solidly embedded.

I had to check the stability of each foothold before stepping again. The water felt good flowing around my legs. I hadn’t a plan other than to go upstream and float back down with my boy. Wasn’t thinking about how far, just taking step after step, enjoying the moments.

I had marched a couple hundred yards upstream around a bend.

As we floated back down, we exchanged a few words, but not many in total. We mostly just floated and observed and lived in the string of moments.

Landmarks on the bank drifted by slowly, as did plants and rocks that peeked above the calm surface. In some moments, I experienced that delicious illusion that I was resting — stillness — and the fixed objects were moving upstream, past me.

In other moments, bugs skating on the surface confused what was moving and what was fixed.

Sometimes a subconscious sense emerged that the entire surface of the water was flowing along with us. “The” river.

Sometimes noticing the riverbed beneath the water imbued a sense of immutability. This riverbed is always here. As is the water that flows over it, but not exactly. “The river” is a thing, but always in motion. So never really the same. It couldn’t be “the river” without its unmoving bed.

I think this tapestry of experiences might be what mystics mean by nondualism. Stillness perceived only by motion that’s gentle, yet enormous.

Thank you Pat and Alicia, Corrine and Andy, Noah and ” the river”…
photo of river through trees

The Delaware River near Lackawaxen PA, separating Pennsylvania from New York State

Neil D. 2020-06-27

See also Tree. Roaring.

More on stillness against which less familiar movement happens: (KINGDOMS 1) Mystical Gardeners

Dark Night of the Soul (7) – A SOPHIE sequel: Mirabai Starr’s “Yes” in parenting

(meet Sophie and her Ma in this prequel)

Yesterday, Sophie brought home her very own mule, the pretty one she had been eyeing at the livery since it appeared there 3 days ago. Her ma co-signed the moneylender’s contract. Today, Sophie steered her wagon through the estate’s gate, towed by the handsome beast. It was just a few hours before her shift at the weaver’s shop—her only sources of coin to make her debt payments…
.

Sophie stormed out of the shop before her shift even ended, exasperated by the intolerable state in which the morning laborers had left her loom, jeopardizing her job, and all of her debts linked to its wages.
.

…Sophie’s ma said her piece about the consequences if the shop’s supervisor sacked her for good. Ma doesn’t think that, as her mother, she needs to repeat herself: If she ‘feels’ her daughter right, Sophie, though stubborn and single-minded, gets it the first time, almost as if it were her own idea. So now they wait, to see where the marbles fall. To see if her daughter can rise to the maturity the occasion demands and retain her job at the shop, or take a new path. Ma will hold her own tongue and not dilute her initial words, despite how excruciating it is to resist more preaching. Sophie must find her own way, and Ma must let her.

Parenting is neither a test of wisdom, nor of patience. Parenting is a test of both, and more. Above all, parenting is a test of love.

Ma is thinking to herself:

“…This is not the first or the hundredth parenting challenge you have faced. If you actually — and not imaginarily — followed your heart to the counsel offered your daughter, it’s time to learn what being true to yourself means. Practice what you preach. You are not in control…

“The One who is in control has big plans for your mutual child. And people keep telling you how wonderful your child is so that you don’t have to rely on your self doubt. She will be OK..

“She’s in that One’s hands—-the One asking you to help, by acting first and foremost from the love that the One planted in your heart, so that you can recognize that you too are that One’s child.”

Love in the moment.

Sophie’s ma hopes that in every moment she can keep — as Mirabai puts it — saying Yes to that One’s love and example (read).

Meet Sophie and her Ma in this prequel.

Dark Night of the Soul (0) – Resources & Recommendations

Neil D. 2020-06-28

Mist

Mist
(by Kathy C.)

Soft, wet
It rises, it falls
It lingers, it vanishes
It cleanses, it nourishes
Like love

Light, translucent
It clings, it dissipates
It hovers, it crawls
It embraces, it releases
Like love

Dense, opaque
It protects, it preys
It endures, it fades
It comforts, it exposes
Like love

It is dew
It is haze
It is fog
Like love

It comes at dawn
It comes at day
It comes at night
Like love

Layered, cyclical
Ordinary, phenomenal
Predictable, mysterious
Like love

[Kathy C. 2020-06-24]