Do you feel like a failure in God’s eyes when you sleep each night? Then why is the deeprest of depression “bad”? Why do you want self-pity to stop? You’ve been brainwashed.
Today, the work of God and the unfolding of newness in creation will get done. It seems God has NOT chosen to do that by miracles, lightning bolts, and gigantic gentle hands reaching down from the clouds. It unfolds AS creation. Through us creations.
You might think that happens only when you serve others self-sacrificially. If you can do that today, you feel more alive, as you give life. But God’s work gets done even when you feel too weak or sad to do that, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Even when you are depressed, you are doing God’s work. On you.
Our religious and social conditioning makes us feel bad when sad. I do not think for one second that that is God’s conditioning—that we are to feel bad when sad.
Suspend your cultural and religious brainwashing that you only do God’s work when you serve others.
I do not think for a moment that self-pity is condemnable. Do you feel like a failure in God’s eyes when you sleep each night? When you rest? That’s ridiculous! If you delay sleep, give it too little attention, and let stress and busyness wear you dow, you eventually collapse exhausted. Nature, as authored by the Author of creation, prevails.
Who can be emotionally present and strong, when physically overspent?
Whether you feel physically or emotionally exhausted, Nature will prevail with sleepful rest or being deeprest. Depression is a natural signal from the author of nature. Yet, indoctrination by society wants to call prolonged sadness an illness. A disease. A dys-ease. Well, if you go 2 or 3 days without sleep, do you then sleep a mere 8 hours? Recovery takes days or weeks.
Give this a try: Sadness and depression are glorious and powerful signs and signals.
When one leaves this realm, we say, “Rest in peace.” In THIS realm, when your heart is tired, and Nature draws it into deeprest, society wants you to deny your exhaustion, get therapy, takes pills, etc., because society wants to maintain the illusion that death can be postponed, and in the meantime, society wants to own you. But Nature wants you to slow down and serve YOUR heart, with your own attention. If you don’t, you drag out that natural need, like a sleep-deprived zombie going through the motions unNaturally. Pretending. Sleepwalking.
Even during the overwhelming heaviness of depression, you are just as alive as when you’re exuberant. You are still unfolding God’s creative work. You are still being. The slowdown of depression is a clear and natural message from The Author: It’s time for YOU to love your whole being as The Author does.
If your heart is sleepwalking, your efforts to serve God’s children lovingly are not authentic. They are heartless, coming from a dreamy illusion. A false reality. Not who you truly are. You’re merely imitating people with waked hearts.
Denying your own heart’s Natural need for rest and retreat leaves you living a lie. THAT is what intensifies the pain of self-pity: Your energy spent denying your mortality. The weight of shame for living that lie of pretending that you can sacrifice yourself endlessly. Your competitive drive to out-give others is ego-centered and unNatural.
Stop listening to external voices, and hear your own heart. It needs rest.
It is not bad to rest when your soul whispers a lullaby to your ego.
It’s time to do God’s work, to serve God’s children. And you too are God’s child.
Neil D. 2021-03-02
In my darkness, and light.
Of my sadness, and life.
Around me is love.
Did you, my Lover,
Pour it there?
Am I to simply
Or has it spilled
From my own heart?
Of all this love,
Which is MY part?
From You? From me?
Are both the same?
All which is “Love”
Has that one name.
Neil D. 2021-02-18
Love Is In The Air
Everywhere I look around
Every sight and every sound
In the whisper of the trees
In the thunder of the sea
And I don’t know if I’m just dreaming
Don’t know if I feel sane
But it’s something that I must believe in
And it’s there when you call out my name
Love Is In The Air
In the rising of the sun
When the day is nearly done
And I don’t know if you’re an illusion
Don’t know if I see it true
But you’re something that I must believe in
And you’re there when I reach out for you
God knows I’ve diagnosed everything wrong with me and others: My relationships. But, if everything has an explanation, faith would be moot. I am infinitely valued and infinitely complex. I am God’s unique child–not another like me.
Though I compare my self to other selves, there is no comparison.
Creation without me is senseless. For I AM!
There is no creation without me, for as long as I am ordained to be. Which is forever!
I don’t think God intends me to understand all things. What would be the point of faith then? As a child needs a parent, so I need my divine Parent.
Not a nice-to-have.
A fundamental and desperately hopeless–without hope–NEED.
It’s how I was made. To fundamentally need to know my Origin.
The Tree of Knowledge’s fruit is forbidden NOT because it hurts God. Directly. But only because God hurts, knowing that *I* hurt when I try to eat its fruit.
Its fruit is too big, chokes me. Not because of some inferiority, or curse. Or decree that I must be subservient to a master.
I cannot know all–even about my own self. I am too gloriously and unfathomably rich and complex. And that unknowability–even of
–makes me ache.
When I ache, my loving Parent aches more than I.
THAT is love. Love is immeasurably more than knowing, understanding.
Love is everything.
And even when it doesn’t come from my way?…
It’s coming from the Other Way…
Neil D. 2021-02-15 (originally February 15, 2019]
Related: Young Messiah: “There’s still so much that I don’t know. But I do know this… I think I’m here just to be alive. To see it. Hear it. Feel it. All of it. Even when it hurts. Someday you’ll tell me why else I’m here. I don’t know when. But you will. I know that. Because… Father, I am your child.”
Are there things you avoid because they make you sad, or might?
Are you afraid to be sad?
I’d like to think you really shouldn’t be afraid to be sad. You’re so, sooo much bigger than sadness. There’s plenty of room in the hugeness of who you are. Sadness won’t crowd out the rest.
While your sadness sulks in its small corner of you, it feels left out and lonely. Other parts inside you are fearful of acknowledging sadness, hiding over there in the corner. Other parts of you wish sadness would go away if they ignore it. But there is plenty, plenty of room in you for sadness.
Plenty of room for sadness to turn her face toward the rest of you and not be shamed.
The part of you that loves is more than enormous enough to love sadness.
Do you expect to have any happiness without risking sadness? You deserve some happiness, so you’re going to have to risk sadness.
You’re going to have to risk living. Or you’ll dying, without being aware of it, until you wake up later. Everyone wakes up. Don’t let fear of sadness keep your eyes slammed shut. Sadness isn’t anywhere as large as you think it is. Not compared to the love hiding inside you.
Neil D. 2021-02-13
I bet that if I showed you the quote below, and you didn’t see the title of this article, you could not guess who wrote it in 100 or 1000 tries.
Millions (or more) want to escape our “imprisoning delusions of consciousness.” Or so we say. I don’t think we entirely mean it. “Yeah, it would be nice, but it seems impossible…” I surely don’t disagree that it seems impossible, or that it may truly be impossible in this realm. But I think the part that we don’t entirely mean, is that we believe it. I don’t think we actually believe it. Like, it is too contrary to our experience for us to buy it. Or so impossible that it’s not even valuable to consider the plight as reality. It takes too much control away from our ego, if we admit it. It seems like, or we hope, it’s just a distorted or wrong way of thinking. And this is the real reason I offer the following quote, penned by whom most of us would agree is the most gifted scientific mind in our Western history. As desperately as you and I might not want it to be true, he certainly believes that it is:
“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
[condolence letter to Norman Salit, March 4, 1950. Reprinted in “The New York Times,” March 29, 1972]
Neil D. 2021-01-29