[3 minute read]
“The ego sees by the eyes of the head, but the soul by the ‘I’ of the heart.“
– Neil D 🙂
Facebook – in a tap – makes it easy to share a year-old post on the same day this year. I did that for my prayer below, and my HSP sister challenged me about any differences the year made:
Sistah, your question is a wonderful challenge to my impatience—a reminder that substantive transformations are gradual, like the tempo of the minute-hand: Imperceptible in a moment; clear only by glances at sufficient intervals. That’s echoed in the opening remarks￼ of this highly popular TED Talk “How to Grow as a Person (And Why It Sucks)“:
“Personal growth is tricky. The term growth implies millions of tiny thankless steps. Which sucks. And the term personal implies that no one can take them for you. Which also sucks. But…if we resist the urge to judge ourselves for how long this process takes, we won’t waste our lives waiting around for a eureka moment that may never come.“
Of your options, Sistah, I choose “grown”— a homophone of “groan.” I like homonym word-play, like describing a “depressed state” as a “deep-rest” state, in My love letter to you. There, also I rejected growth in my darkness as any “deepening” in depression—instead favoring a “widening,” into an expanse. I like the idea of a widening groan, versus a deepening gulp or wail. Larger, not deeper. Horizontal dances, not vertical descents.
A long-winded answer to your question, Sistah, came by inspiration 2 days after your challenge, in which the rest in deep-rest was exp-rest by a favored author:
“Enlightened people invariably describe the spiritual experience of God as resting… Peace within…is the only resting place that also allows us to bear the silver lining in the darkest of life’s clouds… (We give and get our energy from dark clouds much more than silver linings… True joy is harder to hold onto than anger or fear…) If our soul is at rest…we can bear the hardness of life…“
[snippets from Poetic prose on rest, from Rohr]
Sistah, this is word-wrestling, like your question. I think that’s an epic contest, not trivial at all. I’d say my widening groan has been a story of befriending…
Friends: Ego and Soul
The soul seeks notice by the narrow vision of one’s ego-eyes, so that it can lovingly serve its ego.
The soul’s way is to whisper and coax with mystery, opposing the ego’s loud ways, and its comfort in rational answers.
The soul wants to be chosen volitionally—not by the ego’s way of assertion. It wishes for its ego to turn toward it out of love—the greatest of motives.
The soul can endure a deep-rest dark night and wait patiently in the Shadow, as the inflated ego deflates itself by its own ways.
Once ego befriends its soul,
the Self is re-made whole
and can last by virtue of
its own eternal soul.
– Neil D.
While the Self is following the ego’s way, we fear and repress God— angered by the human condition dealt us.
But our Maker (evolution + society, if you prefer) fashioned our ego with built-in potential to burn itself out, so that out of that despair, the Self would turn to the only light which remains in the darkness: The soft divine spark within.
(continued in Abba’s Spark. Alchemy: Ego, Soul, Self)