Abba’s Spark. Alchemy: Ego, Soul, Self


[3 minute read]

Sometimes a Self must be *forced* to surrender its ego to its soul, to ‘widen’ the Self, alchemically integrating the false and True Self. Sages say it is not only some, but all selves which must go this Way. Many may not experience this humility until passage from this world.

We fear most what we understand least–the dimensions of our Self which we have repressed into our Shadow. Our unconscious. Darkness within. So into and within that darkness must we wander to find the missing pieces of our whole Self. There we strain our vision, and the gentler eyes of the soul can behold our repressed flaws in mercy. There in the dark night, we develop and practice seeing with the soul’s eyes. And those developing eyes can then also look out upon the world with mercy.

What egos fear most is their own respective darkness. Their Shadows. We fear and poorly understand God. Particularly the unconditionality of God’s love for us. Thanks a lot, shame:) The soul is a part of us forever willing to embrace its ego without conditions, without judging our mistakes too harshly–understanding that they are a consequence of our ego’s narrow vision, and our attempts to demystify mystery.

A wider understanding of God awaits in the darkness of our unconscious Shadow. By a larger way of “knowing,” we actually already know that: The Way of the soul, with which we can behold our full Self and the world with more divine eyes–a profound Way of “knowing” God better, by shared perspective with God. Seeing our selves more like God sees us.

Our unconscious is still part of us. Our unconscious still holds self knowledge. The self “knows” this narrowly, including in the ego’s familiar way of knowing in the conscious mind. This is why psychology urges us to pay attention to our emotions. They are a dialogue and conduit between the conscious ego-mind and our unconscious. To restore the full Self, that dialog and conduit must widen.

How would I say my “psyche has changed or evolved or developed or grown?” By widening my self’s vision, better seeing the “small things of this day” which Yahweh “created me for”; better seeing “abundance.” Better soul-vision.

“This awareness seems to have had to widen for me to have an authentically humble confidence that I’ve been transformed into a person incapable of inflicting those kinds of suffering any longer.” (More…)

I cannot transform what I cannot see. I can more deliberately cultivate the requisite soul-vision in a deep-rest state, where my inner dialogs are moving more slowly, so I can be less fearful when I bump into my flaws in the darkness.

Seeing my Self more clearly seems essential to transformation, for without attending to that brutally slow process, the ego tempts my Self to stray. The courage to keep my soul-eyes open comes from cultivating faith that the journey is in progress. The en-courage-ment from an archetypal Father is within: Abba’s spark.


Published by Neil Durso

Just another mid-lifer sharing the journey...

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