[2.5 minute read]
“You will be OK.”
“You are a good person.”
I believe these two expressions to be the very best things trusted love ones can say in the midst of suffering grief.
“It gets better.”
“You will get stronger.”
I believe these may be the worst. Things get better, until they get worse again. And they will. So hearers beat themselves up even more, and feel weaker – not stronger. Such well-meaning encouragement gets resented, then habitually rejected as hollow lies.
I suggest encouragement be left at, “You are a good person,” because even that is an obviously questionable generalization. I don’t believe an honest person believes they are good all the time, in all ways – especially in the midst of suffering grief. The truth sets you free, not belief in impossibilities – the opposite of truth.
Now, to turn to, “You will be OK…”
You can be OK even through the next adversity. You can be OK even knowing that sometimes you are not so good.
It is ego which longs to see your flawed humanity as better, stronger, more independent. You certainly will NOT be OK if you continue to hear only your ego. Grief and suffering – if you do not run from them or deny them – lead to hearing your full self more fully, don’t they?
You are immersed in a dark night of the soul because the monkey-chatter of your ego voice has proved insufficient for the full you.
Denial is fueled by ego chatter. When your fuller being burns out that fuel, the world seems dark. Ego-talk recedes from your attention, so the full you is freer to hear gentler whispers from your soul. That is what makes the dark night, OF your soul.
“You will be OK,” because the full you is always OK. You will be OK only as you come to believe that you are so much more than your ego. Quite ironically, even your ego can then be OK, knowing it is an unthreatened dimension of your fully being human.
Anxiety stems from the undeniable powerlessness of your ego – which cannot control the world. Your ego cannot even control the full you, nor must it – quite a relief to your limited ego.
You will be OK, as you come to believe you are. Whether better or stronger in one moment, or worse and weaker in another, you are enormous. Full. Complete. That doesn’t vary.
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Neil D. 2023-04-17
What is “Dark night of the Soul?” Almost always misused and misunderstood. See Dark Night of the Soul (0) – Resources & Recommendations
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