[80 second read]
My re-solution? My again-solution.
How have I arrived at this moment of resolve? Of overwhelm? How have I surrendered to all the evidence for believing that I am authentically and genuinely loved so deeply by others? What impossible combination of choices have I made to deserve and earn that? None. Or, one? The most impossible one?
Want to know my secret to success?
I tried to be someone I am not, for a long time. And now, I choose to be Neil. The Neil I am. The Neil I have always been. That’s what I have chosen, and choose now. Huh?
You’ve heard the same thing. Why can’t you choose to be who you are, instead of who you might wish to be? Or who others wish you were?
How do you get the freedom to choose to be you, in your fullness? How do you summon from inside yourself the freedom to choose to be you? I don’t think you do.
I think it has to be shown to you. I think you have to be slapped in the face with it so many times that you fall far, far down. To rock bottom. To the depth of a soul. To the darkest of darkness. And when you look up, you see no one postured above you to assault you. Instead, what you see, is nothing but loving faces. They haven’t walked away; the ‘act’ isn’t over. They’ve been there all along, and they will not go away. I haven’t chosen to be Neil. I have been shown who Neil is.
Didn’t need to solve anything. Re-solved, I’m solved again.
Each of us has put together a construct by which we explain why what we do is necessary and good. This is the specialty of the ego, the small or false self that wants to protect its agenda and project itself onto the public stage. We need support in unmasking our false self and in distancing ourselves from our illusions. (https://cac.org/how-difficult-it-is-to-see-clearly-2021-02-28/)
Neil D. 01-01-2022