Resolutions. Yeah you will

I won’t let other people dictate my emotions anymore.

Yes you will.

I won’t feel guilty about things beyond my control anymore.

Yes you will.

I will succeed at self-compassion when I need to from now on.

No you won’t.

I will announce boundaries and keep them from now on.

No you won’t.

I won’t allow myself to be hurt again.

Yes you will.

You are human, like everyone else. Human relations are no place for absolutes. Without vulnerability mediating those relations, there is no room for love, joy, or belonging. And no one — including you – can resist those primal urges and absolute needs.

You will be hurt again, and you will hurt others again.

You are making these resolutions because you’re deeply feeling their consequences. They have enormous value to you right now. Resolve to feel these feelings without fixing or solving them. False paths toward fixing and solving them go by names like denial, avoidance, and delusion. And when they can’t be escaped, we erect coping defenses like narcissism or people-pleasing, which are nothing more than other false pathways. Who are you to believe that you alone are superhuman?

I would advise against these resolutions, because they set you up for failure. Instead, resolve to be more aware of these vulnerabilities, and to carry them consciously, rather than pretending that you are not human, that you are not imperfect, and that you do not need belonging, joy, and love. If the human condition could be solved, do you not think it would have been by now? By ones much more profoundly wise than we? Thwart this conceit, and soften your soul with humility. I resolve to join you on that journey. The truth is, my resolution is easy, because we are already joined on that journey…

Neil D. 2020-01-11

Published by Neil Durso

Just another mid-lifer sharing the journey...

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